One day, the turtles wanted to ninja, but they were too slow to ninja.
“Your turtles are too slow!” shout Rat, “You cannot ninja!”. But suddenly people outside were dump pollution in the sewer!
“A pollution sewer!” shout the turtles, and they try to run away. But they were too slow to make runnings! The acid of pollution made a goo of all turtles! Rat had to use its rat powers to climb up the ceiling, but then the people came back and dumped the pollution on the ceiling.
“No!” shout Rat as many acids make a goo on the rat, and not a rat.
Halloweentown: Pumpkins Fight Back
(this is transcribed from Andjealous’ YouTube dramatic reading, so there’s one part that I couldn’t hear due to audio distortion)
There were many towns of Halloweens. The pumpkins were all make a grow in the fields.
"It is good to make a growings!" say pumpkins, and [unintelligible] on their leaves. But suddenly people everywhere made a coming in cranes and bulldozers to pick at the pumpkins.
"We must have pumpkins for Halloween!" shout the people and they take all the pumpkins. The pumpkins were annoy and use their roots to walk and toppled over cranes.
"This is the pumpkin’s world now!" shout pumpkins and they take over people.
hello, i am tumblr user emmugh.
i don’t have much time to give this blog the love and attention it deserves. if you think you can help immortalise hans von hozel’s work, please send me a message.
having someone else to help out would be a+ great.
Axis Powers Hetalia
The Englands were making a sulk on top of the sea.
"It is not goodly that America are NO UNDER ARE CONTROL ANY MORE!" shout The Englands, and they make a sulk and float away from Europes.
America was making laughs in the corner with Canada.
"YOU ARE TELL HILARIOUS JOKE AMERICA." say Canada, as construct the Maple Leaves.
"It is goodly to make laughings at The Englands!" laughing America.
All of Europa made laughings at The Englands too.
The Englands WERE ANNOY!
The Englands made a travelling sea to Africas, were they took all the empires and a not leavings for the!
"Englands you are a greatness in the Europes," say France, as a suck up to The Englands and The Englands to a handing out of countries to France.
The Englands and France made their danube on there Empire and made everyone build pyramids for them.
Germany and Austria were watch from the castle, with binoculars, and saw The Englands and France make a whippings to have pyramids.
"WE SHALL NOT ALLOW EGYPT DOMINANCE!" shout Germany, as it constructs in its plans with Austria.
"We shall use of your assistance Russia," say Austria at Russia.
"We could make a helpings you!" say Russia, "But my armies are all a frozen in the snow and France has took the only Weather Maschine!"
"NO!" say Germany, as it storm off to France with Austria.
"WE WANT WEATHER MASCHINE TO UNFREEZE TROOPS OF RUSSIA!" yell Germany!
"No!" say France, and suddenly, The Englands jumped on France!
"You shall not GET MASCHINE!" scream The Englands, and it danubed with a fly swatter to make Germany and Austria away go.
"That shall make a take care of them!" say The Englands, and it made a beach ball and play with France.
"LOOK AT THEM MAKING PLAYS ON THE BEACH!" shout Russia, "IF I HAD WEATHER MASCHINE, I TOO COULD HAVE BEACH!"
Thomas the Tank Engine
“Of many a station wheeling!” say Thomas, but suddenly, people everywhere made a going to the station.
“We must destory all trains now!” shout people, “As no more coal trains, must electric be!”
Electric Train made a going into the station.
“I am many electrics,” say Electric Train, “And you are obselete!”
And with that, Electric Train shot a lightning bolt of electrics at Thomas, and Thomas made blown up!
The Bible (According to Hans von Hozel), Chapter 1
Making the World
One day God making of the world.
“Oh no” say Jesus, “The world is to smal”
Suddenly, world on fire! The world burning to the ground.
“All my worlds make a breakage!” said God, “I need someone who can creation of a world!”
Then, God pick up a rock and zap Adam and Eve on it.
“Hello I am much of Godly!” say the god.
“Oh no we can no see the gods!” say Adam.
Suddenly, God pull a sun!
“Now there be a light!” say God, “But this light make a distaction of my readings,”
Suddenly, the sun gav birth to a baby moon!
The moon danubed to the rock?
Suddenly, God zapped a tree of apples.
“Now, you no make a touching of trees!” say God.
Suddenly, a snake from down the tree!
“Hello to you!” say the snake, “You want a taking of the apple?”
Suddenly, Adam and Eve had eated all the apfels!
Then, God made a return from his vacation.
Adam and Eve suddenly hit in a cave, because the apple made them embarasement of their nakedness!
“WHY HAVE YOU TWO CONSUMING MUCH OF THE APPLES?” boamed God, and suddenly the snake flew away.
“Much of flying away the snake!” said Adam!
“I told you no to touch my trees! YOU CREATION OF A TOUCHING!” yelled God, and suddenly, he zapped Adam and Eve and they turned to dust.
Anonymous asked: Any chance we can get Hozel's epic 13-chapter rewriting of the Bible? That has to be his masterpiece.
This has been asked a lot. There is a dramatic reading here but I don’t have the time right now to transcribe it myself. Hopefully later.
Down Town Abbey
One day all the rich people were live in the Englands Castle which was call Down Town Abbey. Down Town Abbey was so rich the walls of Castle were made from money notes!
“It is good to have riches!” the rich people say, as their slaves bring them coffee. But the slaves where slow to bringing Coffee!
“Bring coffee faster!” the rich people yell, as they throw eggs at slaves as a punishment.
Suddenly, Churchill ran through door!
“Down Town Abbey there is emergency and we must evacute using Spitfire!” Churchill yell!
“Oh no” rich people say, as they go outside and get in Churchill plane and it flew into the clouds.
Plane was driving in the sky, when suddenly Churchill made wrong turn and they smash into England Palace and it explode!
“MY PALACE IS DESTROY!” the queen yell as she danube out from broken building, “MY PALACE WAS MAKE OF SOLID GOLD AND NOW YOU OWE ME MILLION DOLLARS!”
“Oh no,” rich people say sad as the palace explode again!
“Winston Churhill it is you who have destroy my Palace! YOU ARE FIRED and you are not president ANY MORE!” the queen yell
“OH NO!” Churchill yell, as his leader title danubed away.
“Also I own Down Town Abbey now and you are all kick OUT,” the queen yell and she evict rich people and Churchill from Down Town Abbey.
The people of Englands went to Down Town Abbey and made blew it up as revenges for the Palace explosions, and the queen made rich people and Churchill build 20 new palaces.
There were many chocolates to danube the factory.
Charlie looked around, Wonka didn’t know he was there..
"Much Chocolate!" shout Charlie, jumping up and down.
Charlie got a bag and stole all the chocoalte.
Suddenly, Wonka came in and no chocolates for factory.
"No choclates!" scream Wonka, "But why?!"
And Wonka Chocolate Factory became bankrupt and was bulldozered down.
Charlie buyed the rights to plot of land and used the chocolate he had stolen to make his own factory and he got millions of cash.